I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
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Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
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you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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