I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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