That's when you crack a 10am beer
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
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We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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