I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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