Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
