I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
