The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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