watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
