Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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