shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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