All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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