who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
