life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
