nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
