I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
