pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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