GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
