There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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