Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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