Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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