she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We're too hungover to prance.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
