I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
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If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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