Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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