I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
