true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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