I am puke
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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