LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
