In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
