When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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