i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
