I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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