I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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