I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
