just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
