I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
