This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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