I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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