Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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