I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
