My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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