yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
