Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
