i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
