Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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