I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
