the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
