I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
