Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
