Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
