And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
