There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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