apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
