The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
