I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
