I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
