fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
