Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Blood and glitter go together right?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
