I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
