I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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