no, he came in my armpit
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
