I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
